God, don’t we love these surveys! The most recent one has it that men lie more than women, thus affirming what we always knew but didn’t have a survey to back up. While lies come in all sizes and shades, here are the more common fibs that the male of the species is more inclined to dish out— sometimes to get out of a fix, oftentimes to keep his partner happy, and at other times because it’s ever so convenient and hasslefree! Do, please, add your own to this list, and let’s have fun making this list as long as his nose is likely to grow if and when caught!
1. “I WASN’T CHECKING HER OUT.’ They will deny till they turn blue in the face that they were checking out another woman while you were very much in the vicinity. They’ll protest how until you accused them, they didn’t even register the presence of the sexy, curvaceous woman in the mall, or airport, or wherever it is such women frequent.
2. “I HAVE NOT HAD A SMOKE/I HAVE DRASTICALLY CUT DOWN ON CIGARETTES.’ When you get on their case and nag them about smoking, or have caught them almost red and nicotine-handed, they insist the smoke you smell from their hair, clothes, breath, or surroundings are from some far away source; it’s certainly not them.
3. ‘IT’S ONLY YOU I FANTASIZE ABOUT.’ When fantasizing about someone in their dreamy moments, or when they seek self-pleasure, it’s always with you in his mind, or so they’ll have you believe. How can, they say, you even think they could have anyone else on their mind. Who are they kidding? Let’s face it. Partners are their reality; not fantasy.
4. ‘I WAS WAY TOO QUALIFIED FOR THAT ORGANISATION, ANYWAY.’ The pink slip he got had nothing to do with his position being made redundant. He was just way too good for them!
5. ‘WITH THE GPS, I OWN THE ROAD.’ Fact is even with these technology playthings, many men are perfectly lost. Except that his male pride will never let him admit that.
6. ‘I CAN’T STAY WITHOUT YOU MORE THAN A DAY.’ What lies! The fact is no sooner you are gone than the party begins, or at least the planning for one does.
7. ‘I WASN’T SLEEPING. I WAS THINKING.’ They don’t like being caught napping while at work or watching a movie, so you have to know it’s just their way of putting on their thinking caps.
8. ‘I DID NOT FORGET.’ If something slips from their mind like sending that courier or asking the plumber to inspect that leaking tap, it’s only because something more important came up, and there were other pressing matters that had to be attended to. Forgetfulness and them? Naah!
9. ‘WE DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME.’ This one is a halflie. What they don’t tell you is that they are thinking about it most of the time. In between work happens.
10. ‘I HAVEN’T LOST HAIR; I HAVE GAINED FACE!’ How can his male ego deal with hair loss? It’s a blow to his vanity. So anything, really, to cling on to his youth and erstwhile crowning glory.