It takes a while to get to know someone. When we first enter a new relationship, many of us want to present the best version of ourselves – deliberately hiding certain aspects of who we are until we feel we’ve got to know the person a bit better. And then later on, it may take a while before we’re truly willing to let them in – to know our insecurities, our hopes, our chequered family histories. We often worry that our new partner won’t accept us warts and all – that they won’t like and accept us once they’re familiar with our quirks and faults.
But trust is an essential part of any relationship. It’s the foundation block upon which all the other good stuff – affection, intimacy, connection – is based.
How do we learn to trust someone?
It can be a scary thing to do. After all, when you begin to trust someone, you’re not just learning to rely on them – you’re giving up some of what you’ve learned in terms of relying on yourself. Trust can sometimes make you feel vulnerable. Furthermore, lots of people find this difficult because of what they’ve been through in previous relationships. If you’ve been cheated on or let down – or if you grew up in an environment where you had to learn to look after yourself – it can take even longer to let down those defences. It’s common to worry that in doing so you risk being hurt all over again.
The first thing to say is that you can’t rush trust. Sometimes, it just takes time. If you’re finding it difficult, it might just be that you need to take things at a slower pace and see how you get on.
At the same time, it can be useful to think about any reasons you might have for finding it hard to trust a new partner. As mentioned, it could be memories from previous relationships or your family upbringing that are causing you to be cautious.
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