When you look to outside relationships to define or validate your own, it can be a sign that you’re lacking confidence in your current status. For instance, if you get the sense that everyone but you is suddenly coupled up, you may start to doubt your ability to find love, even when you’re not currently looking for it. Similarly, if your friends are getting engaged and you and your partner are still dating, it can make you question the progress of your relationship.
To feel more confident, fight the urge to let other couples’ romantic benchmarks dictate your own. Instead, remind yourself of the various desires you have besides romance, and celebrate the areas in which you’re finding fulfillment, such as school, work, or time spent with friends and family.
AVOID THE BLAME GAME
When said aloud, feelings of inferiority often sound like “Why aren’t we more like Kristen and Rob?” or “If I was with someone like him or her, everything would be great!” But these sentiments place blame on your lover without taking any responsibility for yourself, which can chip away at the positives of—and trust in—your bond. It’s also unrealistic to believe that acting like or being with different people will suddenly solve your relationship problems.
Rather than employing blame or shame, focus on what you like about your connection: how much your mate makes you laugh or the way they care for you. Then, actively do more things to please each other (like playing golf, even if that’s not your favorite), and voice your appreciation when they do the same (as in,“I like doing this with you”).
GET REAL WITH FRIENDS
Shatter the assumption that your friends are in ecstatic relationships by having more open and honest conversations with them. Share your own love challenges, and ask them if they’ve ever had a similar experience.